For Our Girl

November 7, 2012 § 3 Comments

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Today is a day of remembrance, a day of uncertainty, a day of mourning and a day of joy.  A year ago our world came to a complete stop.  Our hearts broke into a million pieces and our souls were wrenched from our bodies.  In that moment we clung to each other, held tight to the love that created beautiful Lily and continued to live.  We reached out to our family and our community and were held with the most amazing support and love we could have ever imagined.  

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Today we remember not just the loss but the life of Lillian Meredith AlSamarraie Cahoon or little monkey, little miss Lily, little miss naughty pants. The sassy little girl that taught us to love unconditionally, to live with our hearts wide open and to not take one single breath for granted. 

Today we also take a breath, we made it through all the firsts.  Our hearts have started to mend although we have a long way to go we celebrate where we are today.  Strong together in sadness and in joy. 

We love you angel girl and miss you more than words can say.  Thank you for choosing us as your parents.  ~Papa & Mama.

 

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For Lily:

When you feel a gentle breeze caress you when you sigh,        
  it is a hug from Lily from way up high.
If a soft and tender raindrop lands upon your nose,   
  she has added a small kiss as fragile as a rose.
If a song you hear fills you with a feeling of sweet love, 
 it’s a hug sent from Lily from way up above.
If you awaken in the morning to a bluebird’s chirping song,
   it’s sent from Lily, to cheer you all day long.
If a tiny snowflake lands upon your face,
  it’s a hug send from Lily trimmed with angle lace.
If you’re lonely my dear friends, 
  Lily is sending you hugs from heaven, she wants your hearts to mend.
~Mary Barrett
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Be Present

November 4, 2012 § 1 Comment

So apparently November was not wiped from the calendar for all time and to be fair by my thinking we would have no months left unless the world revolved around me and only me.  And with that I am done judging myself for why I didn’t see this coming and how unprepared I feel and instead am focusing on being present.

I wish it was as zen as it sounds.  I want it to be zen, I am curious about how to get to the zen feeling but for now it is a practice that does not come easy; a choice in each moment to stay here today present to what is.  Even as I write this I can think so clearly of people who have been telling me what I need to do for the past year well all I just needing to hear it and then get here in my own time.

I read something that feeling right to me so I thought I would share, “Creating an image is like writing your name in water. The act of writing is there but simply cannot be seen. Only the water is seen and the ripples felt.” The Tao of Paying Attention.  For me this is how Lily feels, she cannot be seen but the act of her being creates ripples.

Well my darling girl I miss you and I love you so much. ripples are never ending in the ocean of a mothers love and yours will be felt forever.

Hard

October 2, 2012 § 1 Comment

So there are some days when life just feels hard.  I can never see them coming, it just happens you wake up and your heart is heavy, the memories feel thick and world is just not right.  Today is one of those mornings.

A year ago we were so filled with hope.  Lily was alert and happy and breathing.  Her checks were huge and she was doing a great job eating.  We had no idea these would be our last weeks with her.  Today it feels hard.

Little Miss Lily October 4, 2011

i love you angel girl, forever and ever and always.

Lily’s Birthday {a little bit late}

August 21, 2012 § Leave a comment

So I have been doing a lot of not writing lately; honestly July brought with it a lot of emotion and change and everything was just feeling hard.  The times when I need to write the most seem to be the times I avoid it.  So now I am going to look back, just a little, to Lily’s Birthday.

June 24th was the anniversary of Lily’s birth.  For weeks Teddy and I had been in debate about what to do.  He wanted a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting because that would have been Lily’s favorite if she took after her parents.  I did not want to celebrate what wasn’t and could not celebrate what was. Teddy and I talked about it on and off for weeks and one day there was a shift in my thinking.   We could have a cake and celebrate but not Lily’s birthday alone we would celebrate the day that we became parents, the day that we became a family, the day that we brought life into this world, the day that we realized we would give our lives for another, the day that Lily was born.  It was her day.  It did not feel like a first birthday but it did feel like a celebration.  I cooked for hours, the best therapy I know.  Teddy baked an amazingly scrumptious cake, chocolate with chocolate whipped cream frosting and strawberries.

All in all we had a lovely day filled with laughter and tears and lots of memories.  Thank you to everybody who sent love and light and good thoughts our way.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl

we love you

 

 

 

The Dilemma that You Never Thought About

June 10, 2012 § 1 Comment

So, I can’t believe that I am writing this blog post.  I am having a dilemma and it bugs me that it is a dilemma at all, and when they were making sites like Facebook what was the plan for situations like this?  Did they think it through?  Here’s the dilemma: my Facebook profile picture is our little family, Teddy, Lily & I.  It is one of my all time favorite photos, take a look:

Can you see why I love it so?  Look at that sweet man that I love and adore so proud and full of joy and that baby girl who indeed already had her papa wrapped around her finger at 4.2lbs.  {probably before that really} Anyhow, it is so awesome, right?

But here’s the rub: First of all,  IT SHOWS UP EVERYWHERE!!!!  Seriously everywhere; amazon, pinterest, reading an article on the New York Times website, or to write something on the business entrepreneurs group that I am part of;  guess what, there we are little happy family in our happy little world.  Honestly I love that part, it is usually a very happy moment when it pops up.  However, what I can’t stand and 1/2 the reason for writing this is what happens next…the message that says “it was great to meet you, what a beautiful family. how old is your baby?” or “I didn’t realize that you had a baby.” Issues that you never even think of until you are sitting at your kitchen table reading the 5th or 6th note proclaiming that random person didn’t know that we had a baby.  Right I was at a conference last week sans baby and looking at this picture that is odd, i agree, but keep it to yourself.  Can you see the issue?  The easy solution is to just change it to a picture like this:

Which brings us to dilemma #2, my current picture reminds me of everything good in the world, everything that I wish the world was still and what hope and love and pure joy looks like.  I think it also feels like moving on if I change the picture and how could we possibly ever move on from that perfect picture on that perfect day.  It also makes me sad some days when I am reading about business and that is the picture that pops up “Like it on Facebook” but I can’t decide if I would be sadder not to see it.  All in all I just never thought of the ramifications of this picture when I was so stinkin’ excited and made it my Facebook profile.  So here I am and my heart is confused.  Why is changing my Facebook {which in the scheme of things DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL feels like it matters so much}  Seriously the things you didn’t think about, didn’t know about, are the hardest.

Thoughts?

So Much to Tell

May 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

I usually roll my eyes when people start a post or an email with “I am sorry I haven’t written in awhile” and yet here I am.  Sorry I have not written in forever, life has been awesomely busy and often think that I want to write and then the day has flown by.   Anyway, here I am saying hello and telling you what we have been up to and is there a lot to tell…

March 20th, one year ago today Teddy and I became man and wife.  In celebration of our anniversary we took a little road trip {in Ada’s little zippy blue car!!} Santa Fe, a little slice of Parsdise right under our noses.

We spent the weekend just being us.  Eating good food, laughing, talking about where we want to live and what we need in a house, simply enjoying.  While we were there we read our wedding vows.  I love that we wrote them and that we live them through our lives together.

Honoring our marriage in Santa Fe was exactly what we needed.  It really is the little things like my Grandma says that keep you sane.

We visited the beautiful church on Santa Fe square and lit a candle for Miss Lily.

After our little escape we came back to nose to the grindstone preparation for the Love for Lily Benefit.  IT WAS INCREDIBLE!!!  No joke, it was the most amazing night filled with love, support, dancing and FUN.  We honored There With Care and Little Miss Lily and brought awareness about a community that many never knew existed.  You can see more about that one at http://www.loveforlily.org

I promise to write again soon.

xoxo Sahra

Our New Project

March 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

Oh, this is such an exciting post!  I’m almost giddy over it.  Over the past two months we have been working very hard on a project, an organization actually.  Everyone, meet Love for Lily.

Love for Lily will provide support to families with babies in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).  We are introducing Moms groups to NICU at the University of Colorado Hospital(UCH) where we spent most of Lily’s life.  Last weekend I went to UCH and sat with the NICU Advisory Board to ask for their blessing for Love for Lily; and they gave it!  WAHOOOOOOOO.  A few more details and a little more planning and we will have an active moms group that is going to provide some much needed support and love to the mamas of the University Hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  Read more about our Love for Lily at http://www.loveforlily.org or click here.

But wait there’s more…

We are having a party, a benefit actually and you are invited.  See why I was so giddy.  Click on the image to purchase your tickets or sponsor our event. or just peek at what we are doing.